You hear so much about the celebrity coming out stories or the coming out stories that are in all of the LGBTQ+ films but I want to be show the coming out stories of the ordinary people that support my blog!
Hannah (21) – ” I was basically forced to come out because the people I trusted with the knowledge of my sexuality used it against me, threatening me with it when I was just 14/15 years old and still figuring myself out. After that it was just joke after joke, never taken seriously by anyone. The boy I started dating at 16 used to accuse me of cheating with my female friend. But I can happily say that now I’m so accepted by everyone around me even so they ask to learn more!”
Lucy (21) – ” I was brought up in a very religious environment where questioning your sexuality or being anything but cis & straight wasn’t really an option & being friends with anyone in the community was frowned on so I repressed any emotions that I had. I first started questioning my sexuality at 13 when I realised that I was REALLY attracted to women, more than just thinking they were beautiful in a platonic way. I couldn’t put a label on how I felt because I was still attracted to men too & because of my religious upbringing I only knew about the ‘lesbian/gay’ part of the community. It was until I’d began socialising with people outside of my religion and speaking to other members of the community that helped me come to terms with my sexuality and what it meant. So I started coming out to close friends and family members who it was safe for me to do so with at 15 and it was like a weight off my shoulders, but I stayed closeted with my parents until I was 19, I got kicked out of my family home & outed to people I wasn’t ready to be out to. Since then I grew to accept my sexuality, have the support of new and old frie4ends & have learned how to shut down my internalised homophobia.”
Harrison (21) – ” I told my dad I was dating my now long-term partner at the 84th birthday party of a family friend from my village…he was silent before starting to get emotional. I asked ‘is that okay?’ to which he simply replied; ‘I’m just glad you’re happy.'”
Casey (21) – “I was caught kissing my first girlfriend at 13 to which my mum left the room and poured herself a drink. I ran into the room unsure as to what I was going to face. My mum then turned around and asked me what I was. I replied ‘I don’t really know, I think I’m bisexual’ to which she replied ‘that’s disgusting, pick a side’. I thought coming out as bisexual would make her more accepting but I always knew I was a lesbian.”
Jess (23) – ” I was scared to come out to my dad as he wasn’t around much when I was younger and was in the army for most of my life. Instead when I told him he welcomed me with open arms and told me he loved me no matter what.”
Hollie (15) – “I used to play my sister ‘Coming Out’ by Ally Hills repeatedly. However looking back she was pretty clueless as to what I was trying to say and has only really just realised so many years on!”
Harrison (21) – “It was New Year’s Eve, I’d spent the evening working through telling my friends, a few at a time. By this point, a lot of us were quite drunk so I was enjoying making everyone cry happy tears. I took my best friend aside and told him…he replied, stony faced; ‘okay’. At first, I mistook this for disappointment we later worked out that it was his attempt to be unfazed by the news, to show he wouldn’t view me any differently, though he’d inadvertently come across slightly homophobic”.
Emily (22) – “I had a girlfriend for a couple months, and to be honestly I had no idea what I was feeling about it , but it 100% made me realise that I was bi. I didn’t tell my mum I was bi, I just said that I was seeing a girl. Everyone knows I’m bi now just because they saw me with my girlfriend at the time, I never really announced it which I think worked out best for me!”
Sula (20) – “I’m so confused about labels, but tend to identify as bisexual, but I only told my parents and sister last month despite being so open about it with anyone who asks/ people at uni. I hated the feeling that it has to be a big deal, and the idea of someone hugging me and saying they were proud of me for telling them just seemed like the worst thing. I didn’t want people to care.”
E (21) – “When I was 17, in the summer between first and second year sixth-form, I started on some antidepressants (was on them for around a year before but you just start drinking properly then) and little me didn’t think that alcohol would effect it. Bad move. So I was getting drunk every weekend and one week we went to a house party (I had already slept with 1 guy at this point) , I ended up sleeping with 3 people (2 guys, 1 girl). Yes I know it was bad but tablets and drinking don’t mix well. But I could tell the different between having sex with a girl and guys. It really made me think about my sexuality and then a couple of months down the line (after I’d have sex with a guy he turned out to be a nonce) I thought that I would come out as bisexual but I was really hesitant to do this because people called me gay when I was at school because I was never interested in having a boyfriend.
To prove my peers wrong, I decided to dress really feminine when this isn’t like me at all. I grew up in my cousins hand me downs and being so tall it was always the boys clothes that fitted me. Ever since I can remember I have always dressed and acted like a boy.
It took me until my first year of uni to come out as gay. I didn’t have the pressure of sixth form anymore and I could be me. I started coming out to friends as gay and most of them knew but were waiting for me to be comfortable. I can say the friends you make in the gay community can end up being like family. As for my parents, we went on holiday in July 2019 and my dad randomly asked me why me and ‘L’ aren’t together. I was friends with a lot of lads and ‘L’ is my best friend. And I replied to him ‘because ‘L’ is shit in relationships and I’m gay. He laughed and then told me to get up to the bar before last orders lol. But I knew he’d be okay with it because him and my mum had gay friends since they were young. But my mum is very clueless and she never asked. We’ve watched TV together and she’s said ‘he’s good looking’ and I’ve always said ‘he’s not my type, I prefer *the woman* and my mum still didn’t catch on. It look her until the census for her to realise that I was gay. My younger brother is my best friend so I tell him everything but he doesn’t seem to be bothered!
As my dad’s side of the family is Jamaican, even me dressing masculine offends some of them so I haven’t come out to my wider family on his side because there would be too much agro. However, my mum’s side of the family are really accepting!”
Abby (20) – “Pride month is a great time for members of the LGBTQ+ community to address how far we have come, as individuals and a community. However, pride is not always an easy time for everyone, from traumatic coming out stories, or a lack of acceptance that still may be present in people’s lives today. Luckily for me, my coming out was not necessarily traumatic. I was able to come out in my own time, to people I loved and trusted, at an age where I had plenty of time to come to terms with my own identity. I came out as bisexual at 19. It was not very dramatic, that’s just not my style, but I felt comfortable just telling those I was close to about my feelings for other gender identities.
However, after my coming out, I noticed a change in the way people would act with me. My behaviour remained the same, but people’s reactions to that behaviour was different. My close female friend began distancing herself from me, feeling uncomfortable in behaving as she normally would, perhaps for fears that I would ‘make a move on her’. When coming out to others there was often the assumption that I was a lesbian that was too scared to decide, or a straight girl that was just trying to experiment. This biphobia comes from within the community as well, making actually dating gay women a terrifying task, fearing rejection the minute they found out that you were bisexual. While I have had time to come to terms with my sexuality and feel comfortable enough in it to dissuade those fears, a large portion of my initial coming out was spent feeling like an imposter in my own community, like I didn’t belong because I didn’t fit in anywhere. However, these fears and feelings are not unique to me, they are experienced by many bisexual people.
If you are reading this post and find yourself relating to these feelings, you must know it will pass. Instead, focus on yourself, focus on internally accepting and embracing your sexual identity. No one can take that away from you. And, if you feel yourself experiencing these feelings again, just remind yourself that You. Are Valid!